Just a lowly cashier complaining about the unknowing irritation you cause by everyday purchasing transactions.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

You Look Lonely

I hear, "you look lonely" on a daily basis and sometimes multiple times a day. It usually happens when there is a slight lull in customers (which has happened a lot lately in the post-holiday season). I take this time to restock bags, clean up my space, wipe up the nasty blood and chicken juice that has stained my register belt, and look at my watch and count the hours until I leave. I am by no means lonely. So when you come up to the register and say that phrase, it takes every ounce of my self-control to not say, "No, not really. Beat it." Oh, and how nice of you to appease my loneliness and give me more work to do... does that sound like you're being generous? No. I don't care if you come up to me to be checked out but please don't act like you're doing me some favor by doing so.

Yesterday I had a very memorable (for all the wrong reasons, of course) old Motorized Cart Person and his old doting wife ("doting" is used loosely). The man rolled up behind his wife who was pushing an additional cart and before I could greet her, she was already pronouncing instructions for me. When that happens, I know this is going to take a while and be really irritating.

"This is going to be a separate cash transaction."
"Bag these two together."
"I'm going to need this double-bagged."
"I'm paying for my pharmaceuticals separately."
"I need the receipt for that one so I can give it to my daughter."

She took her time placing each item on the belt, one at a time and as I scanned she watched the price read-out like a hawk. Eventually I finally got done with her separate pharmaceutical transaction and she was having her husband put her credit cards away as he struggled to stand near the bagging carousel. He set a card down on the outside of her wallet as he was struggling to put the rest of her receipts away. There was one guy in line behind her, a Hispanic guy buying a DVD and a shirt or something and I saw her give him a sideways glance and whisper to her husband,

"Put those cards away, don't leave them out with these boys around. Very foolish, Joel. Very foolish." And this is what the man's face permanently looked like:

Like a whipped, sad puppy. He also looked like Mr. Magoo with hair and a mustache. I felt bad for him because I know that he's got to be subjected to talks like that all the time. He's a grown man being treated like a child, it was kinda sad. Besides, no one was going to steal the cards and they were right next to me so it would have had to have been some sort of Ninja-thief to even make it over to where the cards were. Dumb, old lady.

Another brand of customer I hate (that I've seen nearly everywhere I've worked): The "I-Know-Someone-Who-Works-Here" People. Just because they know someone, they think they are allotted special privileges. I had some pompous, rude asshole trying to price match a DVD without the Target ad yesterday. Don't these people know that I have to have proof or you could just make up any price you wanted to? What the fuck, people? Use your pea brains.

He walked up, told me that he was price matching. I asked for the ad and he looked surprised when I said that I needed the ad to price match. Upon realizing that this man would be extra difficult, I decided to call in reinforcements.

Me: "Let me go ask a CSM."
Asshole: "Well, is [so and so] working?"
Me: "Uh... I don't think so. Let me go ask a CSM."

Well, the CSM wasn't going to price match without the ad. And, the customer was astonished because, "I've never had to bring it in before!" (You know what that tells me? Our cashiers suck ass and they don't do their job thoroughly.) The CSM luckily found a Target ad, verifying the moron's claims that the DVD was $16.99 at Target. He didn't even thank her for going out of her way to find the ad. What an ass.

But, being an ass is the most common symptom of The "I-Know-Someone-Who-Works-Here" People. You know someone who works at Walmart, huh? Yeah, well so do millions of other people, buddy. You're not special!

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