Just a lowly cashier complaining about the unknowing irritation you cause by everyday purchasing transactions.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Nocturnal Cashiers and Disgusting Meat

I thoroughly enjoyed being away from Walmart yesterday but, all good things must come to an end and I'm working from 4-12am tonight.  I don't even know why they're making me work that late because the overnight cashiers get there at 10 pm and it's not even busy enough for all of us to be there until I leave at 11.

And let me just say this, the overnight cashiers are really strange.  I mean, it's no wonder they are on the night shift because most overnight shoppers are pretty freaky themselves.  It's almost like the cashiers are nocturnal (a lot of them would probably scare you if they were ever seen in broad daylight). 

There's one cashier who I call Whisker Lady because she has this huge mole on her face and there are whiskers sticking out of it.  I'm not talking little stubble whiskers either.  Those things are like feline whiskers poking out in every direction and it scares the shit out of me.  What makes it even worse is that they are multi-colored too!  The whisker shades range from white to gray to black (yes, there are that many).  When I'm next in line I have to force myself to not stare at them and I want desperately to tell her, "Look, you need to pluck that shit because it looks terrible."  I almost expect to glance up at her face and see her whiskers counting back change.  UGH!  How could you not notice that?!  The mole is bad enough but, the mole plus the whiskers is nearly vomit-inducing.  

Another thing that is vomit-inducing: packages of meat.  I mentally cringe when I see packages of meat on the checkout belt that are not in one of the provided meat bags.  They are there for a reason: so the meat juice doesn't leak everywhere.  There's nothing worse than reaching for a package of meat and feeling the sticky, sopping underside of the cellophane that has blood leaking through.  For one, I can't just run to the bathroom to wash my hands because my line is a mile long.  Two, I have to briefly wipe my hand off and continue scanning your items (which may contain produce out of the bag) and I now have gotten blood germs on the rest of your groceries. 

The worst: those giant bags of chicken parts.  Yes, chicken parts!  I don't know what would inspire you to just buy a huge bag of random chicken legs and pieces but just the thought of reaching my hand in that bag to retrieve meat for cooking makes me sick (I don't even like to touch the outside of the bag).  Those bags always leak too!  It's almost as if someone stuck a naked chicken in a blender and threw it in a bag, it's that juicy and disgusting looking.  Surprisingly, we sell a lot of chicken-blender bags and I can never construe why.  The pieces don't even look like they could be turned into anything remotely appetizing. 

The second worst: cellophane-wrapped cow tongue.  I don't see it at all on this side of the country but, in Arizona we sold a lot of tongue to Hispanics who shredded it for tacos.  I don't think I've ever had it but I've seen it cooked and it looks just like regular beef.  However, when you buy it it looks just like a ripped out huge-ass tongue.  And I always hated the way the taste buds felt as you accidentally scraped the cellophane against your hand while bagging it.  SO GROSS!

Now that I think of it, if I were to rate an All-Time Worst Meat Sale it would have to be the time I sold a complete cow head.  It was wrapped up, with a price sticker on its forehead and staring at me with frozen cow eyes.  Luckily, I didn't have to touch the damn thing or I would have just quit my job and stormed out of there.  No way am I touching a dead cow head.  

We occasionally sold tripas (which is farm animal intestines) that was in just a disgustingly squishy package that contained the intestines, blood and other juices.  I didn't like that either.  

Who eats this shit? 

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