Just a lowly cashier complaining about the unknowing irritation you cause by everyday purchasing transactions.

Friday, January 28, 2011

To Bag or Not To Bag?

If there's one thing that I cannot keep up with it is bagging choices.  Every person is different so I just usually end up using my better judgment and bag things the way I'd want it.  Unfortunately, not everyone agrees with me. 

First there's the people that are bag-o-phobic.  They want their fifteen heavy items bagged inside this cheaply provided plastic bag.  If I even make a move to bag a detergent or other chemical separately, they freak out and ask me to put it all in the same bag.  Detergent and food really shouldn't go together but I figure, it's their funeral (or potential poisoning) so I just do what they want.  Some customers also do not understand how fucking cheap Walmart plastic bags are and they hardly withstand any weight in them whatsoever.  

Then there are the people that want a bag for every single item.  So, I bag their groceries and turn the carousel toward them to have them take everything out of the bag that I just put in their bag themselves.  This is really annoying because if I knew that they were going to do that, I wouldn't have wasted the fucking effort to put it in a bag.

There's also people who underestimate the bags and double bag everything.  I understand double bagging a gallon of milk or a bag with two orange juice containers.  What I don't understand is double bagging two boxes of cereal.  What the fuck are they thinking?! 

The hardest question for a customer is: "Would you like a bag for this?"  If I look in their eyes I can almost see the wheel spinning with the hamster on it.  Their mouths hang open and if they had a scrolling marquee over their head, I would imagine it would say something like, "Processing... please wait."  I don't understand what takes them so long to decide.  I've recently stopped asking most of the time and just slam the shit in a bag, it saves a lot of time.

Or the people whom I do put their item in a bag and then they tell me, "Oh, I don't need a bag.  I'll save you the trouble."  What the hell, dude?  Did you NOT see me already take the trouble to put it in a bag and now you're telling me to exert more energy to remove the item?  It's not that I have a problem exerting the energy, what I have a problem with is you acting like you're doing me some sort of favor by "saving [me] the trouble."  When you do that, it makes me hope that you're item spills out in the car.  I know that's not very nice but I hate annoying fuckwads that act like they're helping me out.   Just take the damn bag.

Other bagging instances in which I do not enjoy are the self-righteous eco-friendly Moms with a bulging cart of shit (with containers that are obviously NOT eco-friendly) who want me to bag everything in reusable bags.   I do not mind the reusable bags for quick trips to the store for a few items.  In those instances the reusable bags are really helpful.  When it's a HUGE cart of items, those bags take forever and a day to load.  It's really nice when the customer is aware of how much more slowly the transaction goes when they use the reusable bags and decide to help bag their groceries.  That doesn't happen very often (especially when grocery checkout time means 'mentally' checkout for a lot of customers too). 

That's just one thing I hate: the eco-friendly Moms who think, "I'm saving the environment one reusable bag at a time!"  Yeah... but look at what your groceries are packaged in.  Look at all those produce bags you used!  Saving the environment, my ass.  There are a few people who actually give a shit, but the majority of Americans put on this show like they do.  They feel environmentally guilty for their gas guzzling SUVs that haul their fat asses around so they make up for that guilt in stupid actions like reusable bags.  Other than menial things like that, they don't fucking care.  

Remember when Sun Chips changed their bags to those completely biodegradable ones (that make a ton of fucking noise that's almost like an alarm to anyone who reaches for a chip)?  Americans were furious that Sun Chips would dare make their bags so uncomfortably noisy!  (As I'm writing this, I'm shaking my head... we can proactively get Sun Chips to change but Americans can't get off the couch long enough to go and do something else productive... like stop our government from taking away more of our civil liberties.) 

The fact is, Americans don't want to do anything that inconveniences us from our comfy and mindless lives... even if that minor inconvenience is a slightly noisy food bag!

I'll just leave off with a lovely quote from Bill Maher from Real Time on HBO about the Sun Chips bag controversy:

"You hear that? [crinkles bag]  That's the sound of tyranny.  That's the sound of jack-booted eco-thugs taking away you're unalienable right to be able to hear 'Ice Road Truckers' perfectly  while stuffing your face!... Oh sure, we could have made the ultimate sacrifice and, I don't know, poured the chips into a bowl.  Don't even think of it."  

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