Just a lowly cashier complaining about the unknowing irritation you cause by everyday purchasing transactions.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Slower Than Christmas

It's almost like I'm underwater and nearly out of air, but right as my fingertips touch the surface I become dragged further into the icy depths by some strange and unseen force. I can't believe this is happening. They are granting me, the new and supposedly seasonal hire, ten days off. What the hell? When I went to pick up my check the chick in the personnel office asked me if I wanted to stay on past the seasonal position. I said no because I'd need the time off and then she said she'd go right on the computer and approve it. I said I'd stay. I know... :( But why would I say no the potential to make money and get to visit home? That would be just stupid, I guess. (Or is it more stupid to stay?) My only comfort is that I'd be there over 20 hours less than I am there now a week. That's a comfort. I still hate riding the bus.

The bus stop right now is cold, windy and moronic motorists honk at me. I have vowed to never do that again to a pedestrian or anyone standing at a bus stop. I obviously don't know anyone here so when I hear the horn, I know it's not a friendly greeting. To me, the horn almost sounds mocking (*honk-gotta-car-you-don't-honk*). I also lost my glove there (which I still look for everyday in the ditch, bushes and storm drain even though if I did find it I would never reclaim it). For some reason whenever I lose something, I just feel off-kilter. My world isn't right anymore because something that was mine is missing. Which is why it was always difficult for me to loan out pens in school because if someone didn't give it back, I'd think about it randomly for the rest of the day ("I wonder what my pen is writing right now? Is anyone chewing on the nice, new cap?! Where is it?").

Today was a bitch. Non-stop customers from 9:30-6:30. The day was long but it also went pretty fast. A tip I have for today: I will help you if you aren't a dick.

It was already 6:30 and I was helping one last person. My light was off and I'd already told the Pushy Dude that I was closed. Upon seeing one of my managers come to my line to ask me if she could buy a candy bar (because she doubted she'd get a lunch), I of course agreed to sell her that one item before logging off. Pushy Dude sees this act and decides to try again. He's denied. Not only by me but by my manager. He tries to argue with her and he loses. The sad thing is that if he wasn't such an asshole, I would have easily rung up that one item he had. But, he chose to make a stink and be annoying so he had to wait in the long lines. Too bad. I hope he's still there.

Today I saw an overabundance of fucking slow-as-molasses people. I shouldn't be surprised at how decidedly self-centered and uncourteous people are but I can't help but be annoyed with them. People take forever to unload their carts. They take forever to load their carts. They take forever to move their asses with their cart out of the way. They take forever to put the money in their wallets. They take forever to get out their wallets to pay because they are always seemingly surprised that they are expected to produce some sort of payment.

The strange thing is: the rest of the line gets annoyed with this slow behavior yet they do the same fucking thing when they get up there! It is almost always the women. Women take forever to get out their wallets because it's buried beneath the superfluous amount of shit they carry around. And then they tear out a check and hand it to me which leads me to wonder why people even use checks anymore. You know what I do with it? I put it in the machine, it reads the number, prints some shit on it and I give it back. Now you have some stupid paper with all your info on it that you have to worry about losing before you can destroy the damn thing. Get a fucking card. It's faster (usually, unless I get some grandma who hasn't even seen an ATM before let alone a debit/credit machine) and you don't have to shred a used check.

Sometimes while I'm bagging things and it's starting to get full and the distracted fuckwad has yet to unload their cart, I daydream about what would happen if I decided to throw all their shit on the floor. I'd just spin the bagging carousel and let the items fall where they may.

Strangely, I also daydream about using my hand little scanner to scan someone in the eyes. Do you think that would hurt? I swear, every time I take that thing out I get a mental image of them holding up the item and me using it to point right at their eyeballs and them blinking stupidly as they are temporarily blinded. In the daydream they sometimes drop the item and clutch their hands to their eyes and scream, "My eyes!" I think it would be hilarious.

Speaking of the hand scanner, the other day I nearly chuckled to myself because I was having a really bad day and one of my customers asked, "Do you have a gun?" (Which she meant the hand scanner...) And I wanted to laugh maniacally and say, "No, but I wish!" Muhahaha!

1 comment:

  1. This is the funniest blog I have ever read! ( I just picked this one at random cuz I just got done reading it, they ARE ALL funny as hell! )Keep it up! I am favoriting it & reading you daily. LOVE it!