Preaching at the Register

I was supposed to work from 1-10 yesterday but due to insanely annoying weather conditions (snow, sleet, rain) it took longer than usual for everyone to get to work. I was late but once I arrived, all of the customer service managers thanked me for braving the elements since so many people had called off. And last night was one of those nights I was okay working. It was a weird day (because of the weather) and I like working weird days because my customers are usually in a better mood when there's something happening and something to talk about. I was just thrilled I didn't have to take the bus to work in all that snow and muck... especially since on the bus the day before I lost my glove somehow as I stepped onto the bus and didn't want to replace it with the suspicious latex glove that I ended up sitting next to.

Since becoming married and having to give up my car so my husband can use it, I have now had to become familiar with the public transportation system. This has been frustrating for me because I have to 1) scrounge change together for my $3 fare 2) depend on the bus to actually show up and as I've seen in the past, it might not and 3) share a vehicle with the strangest people of society. I no longer have the freedom to just get in my car and go where I want to and when I want to. But, it gets me to my job which I guess is good, right?.... right?

Of course one of my first customers had a grabby kid who grabbed the credit card machine AND RIPPED IT OFF THE STAND! The mother didn't look concerned at all and just said in a calm voice to him, "Oh, look what you did... you broke it" as I fumbled and tried to figure out what the fuck kinda voodoo this kid had just performed to rip the thing off in two seconds. Of course the stupid kid's only emotionally available response was "Uh oh!" The mother pissed me off more than the kid did. She didn't even apologize that her spawn had just possibly broken something expensive and was now clogging my line.

Upon opening up one of my registers the other day I found something that probably most likely no cashier wants to end up with which is why it was sitting idly at my register:



Some might argue that there is never a bad time to spread the word and all that, but I have to disagree (especially since it's from a Mormon). I don't want to listen to anything you preach to me at work, even if it's just handing me a card. I've had this happen on many occasions and it always freaks me out when I hand someone change and they give me something back. I also don't want to listen to you preach to me as ring up something like your Immodium AD (because then I'll just be thinking, "Ok, dude, you better hurry up and spit this out before you have to visit the shitter again.")

On the subject of religion at work, I have made an observation that, because I've seen it in Arizona and now Virginia, I have now applied it to the entire group. It seems that just about all middle aged to older aged Mennonite women are rude. I don't know what it is... is it the oppression, the silly hats, they're jealous I can have my hair down and don't have to wear unflattering boxy dresses, or the self-righteousness? I'm not exactly sure but it has been a rare occasion that I have seen one smile and if I do, it's never at me. I have noticed that they kind of treat me with civility because they [have] to come into contact with me since I'm the gateway to leave the store. But, I can't help but imagine that every time they are out they are looking at everyone and assuring themselves that we're all damned.

So please, don't damn your cashier. That would make for an awkward transaction.

Speaking of awkward transactions, there have been a few weird moments for me this holiday season as I have checked out the many parents who are purchasing toys for their kids. I have noticed that there are increasingly more parents just buying Santa's toys in front of the kids. I'm not talking babies either. These kids are well over three and up. Where's the surprise and the mystery of Christmas? I mean, I was always so amazed on Christmas morning at how my presents got there and when I saw Santa had eaten the cookies (I always looked around and thought to myself, "Oh wow! Santa was standing RIGHT HERE!"). But I've noticed a trend that more and more people are just buying it with the kids. To me, that's weird and totally not as fun.

And when I've been checking out those parents with those bulky and weird-shaped toy boxes, I must say the weirdest moments happen when I take out the big Walmart bag. Those animatronic pets you can get now that are motion sensor and meow and move as you bring the UPC across the scanner are really weird to bag. It's something about putting a moving, meowing animal into a bag that just feels wrong to me. There was also a time where I was stuffing Minnie Mouse into a bag as a child with a quivering lip watched that made me feel like I was black-bagging Minnie, and she would be never heard from again. And just last night I bagged a large baby doll which also made me feel uncomfortable.

The Kids Aren't Alright

Because I probably have a budding sinus infection and over the course of the weekend have used my weight in tissues, I called off work yesterday. I feel guilty about it because if I were working at my past jobs I would have just pushed through the illness and gotten the job done. I guess I'm also feeling guilty because I bought plane tickets for my husband and me yesterday and I'm doubtful I will give the people at Walmart a heads up about it. Being "seasonal" and supposedly "part-time" (which, they've given me FULL time hours to get the most work out of me during the crazy-busy holiday season) they probably wouldn't let me take any time off. I have figured that maybe I'll develop a scenario involving a spontaneous family illness (complete with brimming waterworks to show how much getting this job has meant to me and I don't want a family illness to jeopardize that). I'm only going to be gone for ten days and I'm leaving on New Year's Eve. It's not like I'm leaving the week of Christmas and it looks totally suspicious. I just can't help but feel guilty but I hate being at Walmart so damn much.

Today, I'm going to begin an ongoing segment called: Customers That Annoy Me. Every once and I while I will detail a few of the many types of customers that I come into contact on a daily basis and the things that they do that are so unbelievably asinine. (Maybe I'm doing the world a service and by reading this, you'll know how to avoid becoming one of the Customers That Annoy Me... and other cashiers.) I'll start on broad topic: Kids.

Seeing a lot of the children that I've seen in the customer service setting, I have often contemplated getting sterilized because I don't want to be burdened with such crazy-demons from Hell. Just in the few short weeks that I have been at Walmart, I have seen a child throw a fit and crack his head on the concrete, throw a fit a la Linda Blair-style, various children screaming their heads off at the portrait studio, and a quartet of children who (for over an hour) screamed in unison throughout every section of Walmart (spanning from the Lawn & Garden center to the grocery section to the registers).

And if that irritation was not enough, nearly every child that comes up to the register with their parents that is sitting in the cart seat has to put their boogery-grubby fingers all over the debit/credit machine. Buttons, it seems, are too mysterious for your little annoying spawn to pass up. Despite the beep-beep-boop of the various buttons being pressed, parents are too much in La La Land to realize that their kid is on their way to either hacking into the debit machine or breaking it.

Then there are the kids (that are never ever above the bagging carousel height) that either hang on the carousel like the familiar piece of playground equipment, spin it around as I'm attempting to bag their mother's tampons, or stand so damn close to the thing that I run the risk of clocking him/her in the face. I would cut the parents some slack if they had never been to a Walmart but nowadays everyone knows how the bagging carousel works and yet they let their children play in the line of fire. I swear, I continually wonder where these people's minds go once their cart is unloaded. Their eyes glaze over and they stare off into the distance wistfully like they are seeing a mirage. They don't pay attention to their brats and they don't pay attention to the mounting number of bags that is now preventing me from bagging anything else.

After everything has been rung up and I spit out the total, the parents now (for some unknown reason) want to involve their barely-cognitively aware child in the transaction. Despite my growing line, they attempt to walk their child through their credit card purchase even though most adults can't even seem to do this (more on that later). They hold the child by the arm pits and very patiently say, "Ok, now hit that button. And that one. No, the red one. No, this one.." Meanwhile, MY LINE IS GROWING! I'm impatient and the rest of my customers are growing impatient because you want to include your child in making a stupid purchase. This kid hasn't even grasped potty training yet and you want him to grasp the concept of how to work the debit machine. The machine is for people who have money, not some stinky kid who has just spent the last half hour in the cart picking his wedgie.

And finally, your child is such a difficult child that when he/she grabbed a toy giraffe off the shelf in the Toy Department, you let him/her carry the thing around for the entire trip so they shut the hell up (rather than say "No") so now you have to pry the toy from the child's saliva covered fingers (which, I'm sure the next customer buying that appreciates that). This scenario plays out one of two ways: your child screams bloody murder as you quickly pay and leave or you distract the kid and let me "pretend" to ring it up and put it in a bag while I stow the toy in my cavernous area beneath my register. Either way, it's fucking annoying. Grow some balls and actually say the word "No" to your kids. Your cashier will thank you for it.