Just a lowly cashier complaining about the unknowing irritation you cause by everyday purchasing transactions.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Gross Hands and Boob Money

Throughout my entire customer service experience, I have come into contact with some of the most disgusting hands and fingernails that the world has ever seen.  

When I worked at Little Caesars and served cheap-o $5 pizzas with the innuendo "Hot-N-Ready" emblazoned over my chest, we had plenty of construction worker customers.  Now these men are hard workers, there's no doubt, but what extra effort does it possibly take to wash construction shit off of your hands before you go to lunch?  I have no idea why anyone would really want to walk around with dirty crud underneath their fingernails and on their hands that makes it look like they were elbow-deep in a cow's ass.  And I KNOW you aren't going to use a fork for that pizza so now you're eating that nasty crap off your hands.  SICK. 

There are a few types of grossness that have come into contact with:

-Mechanic-gross hands (oil and grease in the dry, icky cracks of their hands)
-Construction worker-gross hands (mud and dirt and dry, cracked hands) 
-Diseased-looking gross-hands (warts, dry and pealing skin, scabs, open sores, bruises)
-Surprise!  Missing finger!/hand! gross-hands 

It wouldn't really bother me that other people have these revolting types of hands if they... DIDN'T HAND MONEY TO ME AND BRUSH THAT SICKNESS AGAINST MY SKIN.  I despise the stranger-hand touch and it makes it a hundred times worse when that hand touch is coming from a zombie hand. 

The last type of gross hands, the Missing Finger! hand has got to be the worst.  It's not even necessarily that it's gross but more like the crazy shock you get when you realize that only four fingers are handing you the money!  Then, you have to act like nothing is wrong and that you hardly notice that the man is missing his index finger.  

It reminds me of all the times this one guy would come in at Little Caesar's with his hook hand and would count out the money and hand it to me.  I tried to look normal but who knows what my face really looked like? 

I used to dread the Summer months in my desert town in Arizona for two reasons: the extreme heat and wet money.  The construction workers that had disgusting hands would retrieve the money from their pockets (that was wrinkled into a wad) and hand it to me, sopping wet.  That was the most disgusting thing ever.  I even reserved a special place under my cash drawer to lay out sweat-soaked bills from construction workers' pockets. 

But still, worse than that was boob money.  For some reason there are women who think that their bra doubles as a wallet/purse and will hide things in there.  While this may be a good idea for enjoying Mardi Gras or the NYC New Year's Eve ball drop, a trip to the store shouldn't employ such aggressive laziness/anti-theft tactics.  I don't want to touch anything that you pull from your bra especially anything that has been up against your breasts long enough to be as sweaty-wet as pocket money.  I also don't enjoy you and your friends talking about how much money you made dancing at the club when you pull money from your bra.  Even if it's a joke, please... spare me the mental image that you just gave me by placing you in a strip club (because I need to go bleach my eyes now). 

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